The “iCarly” alum reflects on being “profoundly sexually anorexic” due to relationship with mother as therapist explains “everybody starts to disgust you.”
Jennette McCurdy is again speaking out about her complicated relationship with her late mother, in which she endured emotional and physical abuse.
While appearing on the season premiere of Facebook Watch’s “Red Table Talk,” the “iCarly” alum — who has been promoting her memoir, “I’m Glad My Mom Died” — opened up about the impact of the “psychological marriage” between her and her mom, Debbie, as well as their dynamic after McCurdy had moved out to live on her own for the first time.
Speaking to “RTT” hosts Jada Pinkett Smith, Willow Smith and Adrienne Banfield, Jennette, 30, recalled how she got her first apartment at 18. At the time, her mom’s breast cancer had returned.
While McCurdy said it was “horrifying” that her mother’s cancer had come back, she admitted that she felt “some relief” being away from her mom following her tumultuous childhood, but also “guilt around feeling the relief.”
After she had moved in, the former Nickelodeon star said her mother brought over a copy of “The Way We Were” and asked if they could watch it together.
“I knew that wasn’t just us watching Robert Redford once for a couple hours,” she explained. “That was mom moving in and she continued to ask me every night: ‘Can I just stay over tonight? Can I stay over tonight?’ for about three months until she didn’t ask anymore and lived with me in my first apartment.”
Waiting for your permission to load the Facebook Video.
Because of her mom’s presence in her apartment, McCurdy said she again found herself in a “hoarding, chaotic environment again” as she lived in as a child. Trauma therapist Kelly McDaniel, who was also at the red table, explained that McCurdy’s mom would sleep in her bed with her and would be “hugging the whole night.”
“It’s complicated too because there’s the layer of the cancer,” McCurdy recalled. “So she’s hugging me tightly and I feel physically how much her body is deteriorating from cancer. How am I supposed to set a boundary? How am I supposed to look my dying mother in the eye and say, ‘Mom, can you not squeeze me tonight because you’re really invading my personal boundary.’ I just didn’t and I couldn’t.”
McDaniel — who is the author of the book, “Mother Hunger,” — referenced how McCurdy’s mom would have them shower together, and described the former actress’ relationship with her mother as “a psychological marriage.”
“When a mother does this in the shower and then continues to kind of take her daughter as her own, way beyond, it forms in the daughter’s brain a psychological marriage so this daughter is basically filling a role a spouse is supposed to fill,” McDaniel explained. “So what that does is it makes someone profoundly sexually anorexic. And then everybody starts to disgust you.”
“I couldn’t hug people for so long,” McCurdy replied. “I now love hugs and welcome hugs but it felt inherently inappropriate to me. It felt like they want someone from me that I can’t give.”
detailed when she realized “something was off” with her relationship with her mom/when she accepted that her mom had been abusive.
how her mom’s abuse affected her relationships and she adds more her ex-boyfriend joe, who deb sent the email about (goes with the relationship angle).
she also recalls her last conversation with her mom and if she wants kids someday.